Posting more, Distractions, and Using this as a Journal

 I won't get to much into it, but I'm starting to suspect I have some type of ADD. My working memory, distractions, and general work style have always been difficult to manage, but I just thought it was a matter of will power. That I didn't want to work hard, that I was lazy. I still kind of think that. And without a real clear diagnosis, I'm not sure what else to do. 

So, how can I make that work for me? Well, I'm gonna try to turn this blog into my distraction. Make this the thing I do when I can't focus, and turn this into a journal of sorts. Put down my thoughts, play around with it a bit, and see if I can focus more easily when I'm done. Who knows what'll happen. 

So, I co-hosted 8-bits with Brandon Wednesday. The guest was Sam Julien (Ju-lene), A DevRel living int he Pacific North West. Chloe was on a much deserved break from work and I got the lucky opportunity to co host. I'm constantly aware of how fortunate I am to be doing all of this, and that without Brandon, none of these opportunities come my way. IT's a testament to his personality of reaching out and helping people and my own personality as well. It's easy for me to think that I don't deserve any of the things I've done because I didn't get there on my own, but I have to remember that part of the reason I am getting these opportunities is because of who I am. Brandon didn't just tell all of his friends he would work with them and teach them to code, he told me. He picked me because he thinks I'm capable of it. That's why Chloe works with me to, she believes in me. My parents, my sisters, and my amazing wife all believe in me, and that's something to remember. I am being given amazing opportunities, opportunities that not everyone has, but I'm also working hard within those, and working hard to be the kind of person that gets opportunities like that. There's tons of luck in all of this, and I'll be forever grateful, and when I'm able to, I'll be trying to pass some luck on to other people as well. 

I've been working hard this whole week. I graded until 9pm the other night, and I'm still nowhere near done. There's always more to do, more to grade, more activities to come up with. There's never enough time, no matter how much I do. So I just have to remember to keep chipping away, wherever I can. 

I do hope to get this blog going again. I was treating it differently when I first started. That last post about The Handmaids Tale was a fun analysis, and I want to do more of those because sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to about those literary things that excite me. So If I just write them, and put them out there, maybe people will find them and like them, too. I'd be very into that possibility. 

I know I'm approaching burnout at work, but I simultaneously feel like there's nothing I can do about it. Like, maybe if I do crash and run out of energy and just collapse, I'll get a nice break then. But other than NOT assigning work, and NOT doing anything else that's fun ever, I have no choice. Band is an extra 7-16 hours a week, and that's time I gotta spend not grading. It's also the only reason I'm making decent money, so I have to keep it. AP Lang is very important, a lot of these kids depend on me, so I can't abandon them. Seniors are getting ready to graduate and this is our last chance to get them the skills they need to do well. There's not a lot of plastic balls I'm juggling, it all feels like glass. 

This was a good distraction. I actually feel good about getting back to work now. This was about thirty minutes? 25? 

I think this will be a good use of time.